The "More" Child

Over the holidays our family finally had a chance to check out the new  Newseum (Tagline: Where the News Comes to Life).   The building sits on a prime block of Pennsylvania Avenue, with stunning views of the Capitol from the 6th floor terrace.  We bought our tickets (nice surprise:  they were having a Family Fun Deal over break, so the kids were free), checked our coats and headed for the orientation movie, “Getting a Feel for the News.”

Billed as “4-D,” you pick up a pair of 3-D glasses, find a seat in the stadium-style theater, and settle in.  Moving seats, and jets and fans blowing air at strategic points during the movie create the fourth “D.”  As for the movie, part of the “journalistic trip through time” includes “going undercover with Nellie Bly as she exposes horrendous conditions in a 19th century insane asylum.”

Which is where the problem started.  C. started whispering insistently to me that the depiction of Nelly Bly was completely ridiculous.   She appeared silly and subservient compared to the male characters.  The script was terrible, the acting worse.  Sure the whole thing was cheesy, I whispered back.  Not unexpected given the venue.  But C. couldn’t get past it.  She couldn’t believe that they would depict Nelly Bly in such a sexist fashion.  After the lights came on M. and her best friend—for whom the 3-D glasses and effects were cool enough—took off to roam on their own.  C. went solo too.

Three hours later C. checked in by cell phone.  She had had enough.  And I could understand—the place is a recipe for sensory overload.  So much to see.  So much to study and read.  So many movies.   And lots and lots of people, like us, looking for an excuse to the get out of the house over the holidays.

“So what did you think?” I asked everyone as we settled into the car.   “I found it very sexist,” began C.  “There were very few depictions of women.  What about Margaret Bourke White?  What about….“ and she listed three or four real and fictional women reporters and photographers. We suggested perhaps the museum merely reflected the reality that there weren’t a lot of women in the news profession.  But C. would not have any of it.  She was passionate about what she perceived to be a slight to women. And she Just.  Wouldn’t.  Let. It. Go.  “And I can’t believe how they portrayed Nellie Bly.  The way she simpered….”

“C.,” we finally pleaded.  “Write a letter to the curators.  Seriously.”

The whole exchange raised once more one of the more challenging aspects of raising a profoundly gifted, profoundly verbally gifted girl.  The heightened sense of justice.  The unwavering intensity and passion.   The propensity to go against conventional wisdom or the popularly held opinion.  (Kind of like…Nellie Bly…) And the willingness to argue…and argue…and argue.  To the point where, if you are the recipient of her laser-like focus, it can feel overwhelming.

Some of that kind of behavior skated C. close to trouble at school a few weeks ago.  She called me in the middle of the day from school on her cell phone, hugely upset, the words tumbling out.  She’d been called into the hall by her teacher, who found C.’s persistent questions “aggressive,”  and “undermining her authority in the classroom.”  “I didn’t do anything, mom!” she wailed.  “I was just asking questions to understand what she was teaching. I swear, I was so polite!  And now she doesn’t want me to ask questions. And she wants to have a meeting with Ms. ____.”  Over the past few months C. had described this teacher’s class as fast-paced and her attitude disdainful, with little patience for students who weren’t keeping up.  The other students had simply given up asking questions.  C. had not.

My heart sank into my stomach as I listened.  It felt like those 7th grade days all over again.  “Cool down,” I counseled.  “I’m sure it was a misunderstanding, miscommunication on both sides.  Just cool it down.”  I put an immediate call in to the program director.  She didn’t return my call but the teacher did call an hour or so later.  Again those words.  The teacher mentioned C.’s body language in the hall: the crossed arms, the sighs. I did my best to explain to her that C. wasn’t aware of how she was coming across, that she was just really trying to understand the material.  I told her how things had gone down a terribly wrong path in middle school–and how we didn’t want to go down that path again.  I urged her not to pursue a three-way meeting, but rather a one-on-one, as a three-way would be perceived as threatening.

C. did end up having a chat with just the program director, who is very pleasant and  “gets it.”  Things seem to have cooled down.  And she is scheduled to have a new teacher for this subject once the third quarter starts.  Maybe some maturing has taken place, and—at least in a school setting—C. is learning where the boundary is.  But in the meantime the episode prompted me turn to the Google and I came up with a few resources I had not seen before.   Like this list of the possible problems faced by the gifted child.

• Huge store of facts. Superb long term memory.
  Boredom and impatience in class.
• Very fast thinker.
  May get frustrated with others who think slowly in comparison.
• Very advanced comprehension.
  Hates rote-learning. Gets called “Smart- Alec” or similar.  Irritated by the level of presentation of school work.
• Creative thinker.
  May be seen as disruptive.
• Long attention span on things of interest.
  Resents being interrupted. May not even listen.
• Highly curious.  Many interests.
  Starts many projects – perhaps does not finish them when drained and the work becomes tedious.  May not work well in a group.
• A high degree of Norm-referencing.   That is the act of comparison of oneself to others.
• May become arrogant or élitist if not given the opportunity to mix with intellectual peers. Over inflated self esteem. May be intolerant of others and call them stupid.  Alternatively, may down-grade performance in order to fit in or simply hide abilities.
• Great verbal ability.
  Dominates discussions. Uses this skill to avoid doing difficult tasks.
• Advanced use of language.
  This may alienate the child from age peers.
• Generates original thought.
  May be argumentative, oppositional to other’s set ways of thinking. Resents conformity.
• Sees off-beat solutions and has wild opinions.
  Frustrated at not being understood. Others might consider the child odd or weird.
• Persistent and goal-directed.
  Others may view this as stubborn and uncooperative.
• Thinks in abstract terms very early in life.
  May be preoccupied with death or the meaning of life. Might reject detail in favor of concepts which may be seen as disrespectful by others – e.g. atheist belief.
• Deep thinker.
  Hates deadlines and therefore might avoid doing work at all rather than do half a job.

Check.  Check.  Check….  And this from Kathleen Noble:

But I have seen, particularly in adolescents, that gifted girls who are very high energy and high verbal are often punished by teachers for those qualities, and the qualities are then negatively represented, rather than positively acknowledged.

And this…

The child who uses verbal humor in the classroom is often seen as disrespectful and a disruptive influence on the class.  Children who correct the teacher’s mistakes are often considered argumentative and disrespectful of authority.

Of course, in ten years it might be all good.   Check out the chief personality traits of lawyers:

• Skepticism (“It’s a very useful trait to have — questioning data, people and information. These are people who will say ‘Oh yeah? Prove it.’ That’s what people hire lawyers for.”) : 90% of lawyers have this trait, compared with only 50% of the general public.
• Autonomy (“A person with this trait says, ‘I don’t want anyone giving me orders or telling me what to do.’ When you try to influence the behavior of lawyers, there will be a natural reaction against that.”): 89% of lawyers have it, compared with only 50% of the general public.
• Sociability (“This is the ability to initiate new emotional connections, being interested in disclosing your inner life and remembering the details of others’ inner lives. It makes lawyers avoid anything touchy-feely. They won’t talk about anything personal – instead they’ll talk about sports, current events and recent Supreme Court case.”): 7% (that’s no typo!) of lawyers have it compared with 50% of the public.
• Abstract Reasoning: 82% of lawyers have this trait compared with 50% of the general public.
• Urgency (“This is a need for closure and a need to have things brought to a head. These people like to finish other people sentences.”): 71% of lawyers have this trait, compared with 50% of the general public.
• Resilience (“Resilience is resistance to criticism. A door-to-door sales person is high in resilience….  Low resilience people deflect things, saying ‘let’s put that point aside.’ They use denial, saying “I didn’t do that.’ They also counterattack, responding with ‘stop criticizing about me, what about you!’”): Only 30% of lawyers have this trait compared with 50% of the general public.